Because I Love My Self.

Yeah yeah I know I don't owe anybody blog posts, but I do feel bad that I haven't written in 386847568475684 years, especially considering all the crazy shit that happened (spoiler alert: mama got some dick [the kind I'm not paid for]). I don't actually have time to blog, so here's a self indulgent myspace-esque survey that I shamelessly stole from David at Some Things About Me

1. Name? (screen name is fine)
Caligula Sanchez. My real name is boring and genric.

2. Are you a boy or girl?
boy I'm a man

3. How old are you?
21!

4. Are you straight, gay, bi or unsure
I'm nearly strictly dickly but I do take my women like I take my coffee; black and only if I've been drinking.

5. Whats your favorite color?
I look really good in maroon.

6. Whats your favorite food?
Mexican food.

7. If you could choose only one type of food for the rest of you life, what type would it be? (ex. Italian, chinese, french, etc.)
Indian, that way I would be skinny (from all the shitting)

8. How tall are you?
5'8ish I'm on the cusp of 5'9

9. Hair color?
baldheaded

10. Whats your favorite movie?
Fargo, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and Y Tu Mama Tambien.

11. Favorite book?
Non fiction: I really, really loved Mark Simpson's Morrissey biography.
Fiction: I'm a pretentious, gayish male in his early twenties so I've read everything ever written by Bret Easton Ellis and Chuck Palahniuk. I had to read Cormac McCarthy's The Road for school a couple years ago for school and loved it. Lolita was a hard read but it was definitely worth it.
Don't judge me: The Harry Potter series.

12. Favorite tv show?
Mad Men, the first three seasons of Weeds (how you doin, Guillermo Diaz?)

13. What are your hobbies?
Reading, tricking, working out, inorganic chemistry-ing

14. What is the #1 thing that grosses you out?
oi sounds like moist and hoist.

15. Are you a virgin?
not even close.

16. If no, how far have you gone?
Tulsa

22. What do you want to do with your life?
ask that in a chinky accent and you could be my dad.

23. Do you masturbate? how many times a day?
I don't have the time, energy, or desire.

24. Do you have a "special" toy? (again you all know what I mean... lol)
for work, yeah.

25. Have you ever broken a bone or had another serious injury or sickness? Explain.
I broke my arm falling out of a tree in year six

26. What do you think is your most attractive feature?
I have really nice skin. It's a really interesting pale olive color.

27. What do you think is your least attractive feature?
I'm short and have a sort of big nose.

28. If there is one thing in your life you could change, what would that be?
I would be independently wealthy.

29. Are you in a relationship? explain a little (boy, girl, short term, long term, etc)
uh, no.

30. When was the last time you got some sexual action? (of any type)
last night(!)

31. Mac or PC?
Once you go mac you never go back

32. Iphone, Blackberry, other PDA, or regular cell phone?
I have a blackberry and a regular phone

33. Do you have any pets? Which ones?
:( my dog Angela (Chase) died last year

34. For gay and bi guys: Are you a top or bottom?
I'm a pro. Truth be told I prefer making out.<

35. Whats the one thing in your life you are most proud of?
I graduated with a 3.9 and I got a 30 on my ACT. Holla

36. Where is the weirdest place you masturbated or had sex?
The roof of the business building at the college campus back home.

37. Most number of times you came in a day?
Probably something silly like 6 but now it's two at the most

38. What are you most afraid of?
R.A. :/

39. Favorite porn star?
Me. Continue

We're Not Together

I told Muscular GradSTUDent to pick me up so I would have time to shower and have a reasonable excuse to answer the door in a towel. I sort of hate myself for how masochistic I've been with this whole situation. On the one hand I continue to hang out with this kid because I really, really enjoy hanging out with him, but on the other, I know that nothing can happen between us unless I tell him that I regularly fuck-fer-cash. Even if I did ball up and tell him that I trick, I feel like being in a relationship with a whore would be extra difficult.

I answered the door in the towel but didn't hug him. I needed to set some limits. There's a small table by the door of my apartment where I leave my keys and other shit that I'm carrying on my way in. A few days before a client had given me a really nice box of chocolates that came in a fancy purple box. It would have been a great gift (because it looked expensive) except I don't like chocolate. The box had sat on the table since I had gotten them and would probs stay there until they went bad or I had an opportunity to regift them (side bar: this hooker usually regifts the shit you buy him). MGS noticed the box and asked if it was for me. I couldn't say no because everybody that knows me knows that I can't stand chocolate in any form. I didn't know what to do so I lied and let him have them. Yikes.

I didn't want to make him wait to long so I dressed quickly in a stupid t-shirt with a stupid cardigan, stupid indigo jeans, and stupid moccasins. I spent about ten minutes deciding what to do with my hair, but I was running late so I didn't do anything to my bald ass.

We went to a low key party all the way in BFE suburb. We got there kind of late so his friends were at pretty tipsy by the time we got there. One of his friends asked me if we were fucking (we most certainly are not). Another told me he liked the dark meat which would have been cool if I hadn't recently quit tanning/embraced my velvety pallor. A pretty black girl told me that we looked cute together. And we do. He's taller than me and his tiny belly sort of fits like a puzzle with my concave stomach.

I'm not surprised that his friends loved me. When you have an anus looser than Courtney Love's grasp on the English language you sort of have to be charming (this is a joke, my ass is like whoa). And then they started playing Never Have I Ever. For those not in the know, Never Have I Ever is a drinking game designed to let people you just met know that you are a dirty, dirty whore as they proceed to get fucking plastered. If you're interested on the semantics of the game there's a wikipedia article on it. I only had one beer but for some reason I decided to answer the following questions honestly:

Never have I ever had more than 12 sexual partners.

Never have I ever used anal beads.

Never have I ever slept with someone more than twice my age. (Who the fuck asks that?)

Never have I ever had a threesome.

It was a little awkward. If I do ever plan on telling MGS the semantics of what I do if I do decide to tell him that I trick, but it made me feel a million times better that I least hinted at my double life.

At the end of the night he dropped me off at my house and walked me to my door. It was awkward because I could tell if he was deciding to whether or not to kiss me. I didn't know what to do so I punched him in the shoulder and said, "I had a lot of fun tonight, buddy." Like, I said buddy.

Yarf.

Unrelated: How you doing, Mike Chang? I don't usually hit that rice, but daaaaayum, son. Homeboy be lookin' foin.

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PR0n

I'm not saying I'm going ever going to do porn but I do work in the sex industry so the idea of me fucking on screen isn't totally out of the realm of possibilities (translation: I don't want to go to medical school. Please don't make me go. I don't really want to be a doctor. I don't even like people let alone trying to help them but I've been planning on becoming a doctor since forever and I couldn't do anything else except maybe fuck for cash)

Anyway, if I was going to do porn if would have to be very tasteful while making good use of my barely legal looks.

E.G.

+

(without the AIDS, doye)

+

Any Questions?

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My First Professional Sex

Alexa Di Carlo posted an interview with me on My First Professional Sex. You should go check it out because a) My first Professional Sex is a fascinating site that features interviews with real sex workers b) I'm fucking interesting and c) you get to see my face!

The picture is probably my favorite picture of me ever taken. Yeah most of my face is cropped out, the picture itself is kind of blurry, and the flash made me look 38584765859475 times whiter than I am in real life, but you can reallly get a sense of my personality in it. Plus my hat is awesome and I rarely get a chance to wear it.

You can check out the interview here (NSFW, obvs).

I'm turining the comments off on this post so go comment over there and read the other interviews.

Go!

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Delicious.

Is there anything as disgusting as the word delicious used in a sexual context? Seriously, I'm not asking rhetorically. I want to know because I feel like the knowledge of such a word could be used as some sort of superpower. If anybody knows of such a word they should feel free to leave it in the comments.

On friday I had an appointment with a photographer to take new pictures. There's a lot of dishonesty in this industry so clients will often ask you a) is that really you in your picture and b) when were your pictures taken. I feel like I should be updating my portfolio at least once a year (probs closer to every 6 months) anyway, but I really have changed appearance wise in this last year. I mean, obviously I'm bald now (which has turned out to be a really good decision, seriously), but I've also been working out pretty hard since this summer and gained a good amount of weight. Also, I'm fucking done tanning and shaving my belly. Seriously, fuck that. Pale and hairy for life.

I don't really like having my picture taken. I've got what's called PTUCS or Post Traumatic Ugly Child Syndrome. I mean, I'm good looking now, but I haven't always been. I've always been on the short side, but add my pre-sports body to my pre accutane skin, and lawd hammercy, the result is NOT pretty. Even though people (well, only men at this point) regularly pay large sums of money to stick things inside of me or have me stick things inside of them, I still get a little iffy in front of cameras.

I was supposed to call the photographer when I got to the parking lot. Let's just say the entire situation was not on the up and up. From my understanding the photographer doesn't own the studio, but still makes extra money on the side by taking pictures of nubile young boystitutes. When I first started I was encouraged to try and get the photog to sleep with me. This Nigel Barker knock off only charges the boystitutes he doesn't sleep with. He didn't sleep with me last time and Boss told me it was because I was too twinky. I'm nearly positive he prefaced "I wasn't interested because he's too twinky" with "don't tell him but." Whatever, I didn't have time to relive that fun little moment because I had finally found a parking space and had to focus on looking sexy. Yarf. I hate trying to look sexy.

I called and he told me to come on up. When I got to the studio all the lights were off and he took me to the back. He was still setting up but he asked me if I wanted a tasty beverage. Those were his exact words, "would you like a tasty beverage?" I think the last time someone offered me a 'tasty beverage' I was in the UK. Who the fuck talks like that here in Amurica? I declined.

He was finishing up while I changed into a suit. I hate wearing suits, they make me think of court, church, and funerals. Those are not places I enjoy being. My Second outfit was an Abercrombie polo and Abercrombie flat front khaki shorts. It also involved me casually juggling a soccer ball for some reason. FUCK YOU, SEAN CODY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EVER DRESS LIKE THAT OR CASUALLY JUGGLE SOCCER BALLS. My third outfit was a shorty short swimsuit that I think is called a pair of trunks. My fourth outfit was just me masturbating.

He never stopped taking pictures even when I was changing. He kept saying things like "just like that. Delicious!", "grab your cock like you're mad at it. Delicious!", "can you pull one of your legs to your chest so I can see your asshole? Delicious."

I kept laughing during the entire shoot because a) I was nervous and b) it was delicious.

After we finished up he told me I could look at the pictures and pick my favorites. He said I could stay naked, if I wanted. I was surprised by how good they came out but mostly I was uncomfortable because I could actually see my face. My face looked good, but I prefer pictures of me grabbing my cock to be cropped at just below my nose, but maybe that's just me. I halfheartedly picked a few but I didn't really care because Boss has the final say in that department.

When I left Muscular GradSTUDent called me. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I told I could but I needed to shower first because I had a strangers cum all over my lower back.

Now that I think about it I may have left out that last part.

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Oh.

I'm not circumcised and I'm not sure if I've mentioned it. I've been meaning to bring it up but I don't exactly know how.

There we go.

via

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Movin' On Up

Not only am I taking the safari search bar, but I'm taking Mozilla, and Internet Explorer, and Chrome, and Flock, and Opera. BYaaaah!

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